Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
