I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
