It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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