we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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