I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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