WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
