two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
