I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
