Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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