What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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