Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
