Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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