he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
