are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I AM VODKA MAN
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
