He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
