dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
