2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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