if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
