he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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