i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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