I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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