I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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