So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
