No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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