Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
