You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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