You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
