Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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