I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
