Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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