I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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