I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
