I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
