i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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