cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
