she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
