I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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