no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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