You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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