What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
