I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.