She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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