i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
