The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
