its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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