nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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