I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
