capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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