i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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