i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
