while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
