then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
