Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
