Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
