dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
