Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
