Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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