The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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