I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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