he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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