i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
