Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
