dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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