you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
