dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
