***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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