I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
