Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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