i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
