Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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