You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
