my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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