I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
