Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
