He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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