I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
