benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
