why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
