my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
