Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
