i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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