dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
