she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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