You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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