btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
