1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
