I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
