Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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