hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
