they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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