well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest