Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations